||[fév. 6e, 2006|11:11 pm]
|||||angry but motivated||]|
|||||my beating heart - thump, thump||]|
well I should be doing my massive amount of homework (i'm getting clobbered this week) but instead i'm sitting here, being thoughtful and ya . . .
I felt very hopeful today, and then let down.
I was supposed to meet with this study abroad guy to talk about going to Ecuador and Europe and I was really excited, but then he wasn't there and they are rescheduling me for next week!! that seems so unbelivably far away. well, yes.
My sister is bringing home so so much food from tully's. 10 cinnamon rolls, heaps of sandwiches. croissants. they're all so rich and buttery they make my fingers shiny when I pick them up. She says they just throw it all away if she doesn't take it. Since no one in my family is going to take on the tremendous job of eating all that and getting to be a big poofy marshmallow, we're giving most of it to Zephyer . . he doesn't stop eating! We had to stop feeding him, tonight, we never thought he would just keep eating! he gets really excited, but I think soon he is going to be one fat puppy.
When I was walking to my class, I saw all these tiny tiny little birds, hanging upside down from the tiniest branches, picking off the fresh green buds. I noticed them because I had seen one of them the day before, dead, lying on its back in front of our garden. It looked so peaceful, so alive. Its eyes were bright open and shiny. I stared into them for a while, to make sure it wasn't still alive, and I thought I saw them blink. I wondered if he was paralyzed and couldn't move. I hope not.
just thought of this . . I am pissed off about all the freakin sexist songs on the radio!!! I just turn the radio on and the songs I hear are so nasty and degrading!
one song I heard "I want a girl who will do what I'll say, who'll give it up whenever I say." the lines don't even rhyme, besides who wants to date someone with no mind? that just does whatever you tell them to? that would be so f-ing boring and mundane and ANNOYING. It is scary that some people want that kind of thing. when you actually write the lyrics down, take it out of the song, you can see how freaking sexist these words are. and so many people just hum and sing along, don't realize what they're saying!! just oh, this song is good.
I tutor at a middle school and this 8th grader was downloading all these NASTY (and I mean nasty) songs. I asked her why she liked the songs and she said she doesn't like the words, she just likes the tune and the way the guy raps. I know everyone goes through a mindless stage, some just don't get out of it. I talked to her for a bit about discrimination and how there are other rappers who don't have misogynist songs -there aren't many though- but she didn't care, and I wasn't that surprised about that. Tupac has some really cool songs (Keep ya Head up, The Blacker the Berry, the Sweeter the Juice . . i don't know if that is the name . . . where he calls upon the culture to stop treating women the way they do, and bring up their children knowing not to "hate the ladies, that make the babies." But I wouldn't have cared in 8th grade either. That stuff is like a sickness, it is poison and it slips in unnoticed too often.
its not just rap either, although I think rap is the worst with sexism. Some whiny punk band I heard on the end was singing about how "I'll keep you my dirty little secret." Being called "little" connotes that the girl is helpless, ignorant, cute but . . . not on the same level. It means being below whoever is "big" - which seems to be the singer. and then the "dirty" part . argh that is so messed up, cuz at the same time she is being infantilized, she is also being sexualized. a girl whore, because she is "dirty"? That combination is just really disturbing. ah and then the whole meaning behind "keep" and "secret" - just so much dominance, power, in that one little line. that song annoys me so much. it pisses me off, I feel like there is so much sexism, hidden - but only hidden because we are so used to hearing and seeing it, we have become blind to it. well it's time to stop being blind! who wants to date a mindless child whore? not me. but from listening to the radio, you'd think that was the cool thing to do.